Best "It's So Hot" Jokes

It's So Hot That...

~Joggers are now on the Endangered Species list.

~They had to ban suntan oil at the beaches-People were frying!

~The robins are laying their eggs "sunny side up".

~Potatoes are baked when you dig them up.

~The trees are whistling for dogs.

~The birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.

~Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

~The cows are giving evaporated milk.

~The icecream man is only selling milkshakes.

~Sushi bars are closing because they can't find any raw fish.

~Paula Dean is baking her biscuits in her sunroom.

~The birdbaths are now saunas.

And last but not least:

It's so hot that the corn growing in the fields has popped. 

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Virginia has really been hot this week!  As I was teaching my SilverSneakers class yesterday, I would just throw out one of these one-liners every once in a while to keep them smiling while they worked!

Do you have any "It's So Hot" jokes?  Please write them below in the comment section.  We'd appreciate it!!

Heat Safety Tips

 (From the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

~Drink more fluids, regardless of your activity level.  Don't wait until your thirsty.

~Don't drink liquids that contain alcohol or large amounts of sugar-these actually cause you to lose more body fluids.

~Limit your time outdoors to early morning and evening hours.  Take frequent breaks!

~Wear lightweight, light-colored, loose-fitting clothing.

~NEVER leave ANYONE in a parked vehicle.

~Stay indoors in an air-conditioned place.  Fans are not enough when the temperatures are in the high 90's.  If your home is not air-conditioned, visit a mall, library or your local YMCA or recreation center!

~Check on your friends, especially seniors!

Great Quotes

If you get this blog by e-mail, you may not know that I have a page of Great Quotes.  They are some of my favorites and are a great way to end class or to begin it!

Here are a few to get you started:

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you make them feel!"~ Maya Angelou

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise."

"Just because we have pains, doesn't mean we have to be one."

"The Three Great Temptations of Old Age are:  to whine, decline or recline."

"You can't act like a skunk without someone getting wind of it."~ Lorene Workman

"You are one workout away from feeling better!" ~Randy Raugh, MPT

Rut Blocker

Have participants sitting with ball under R foot.  Make clockwise circles with the ball.  Once you get that going, add:  L hand stirs pot in counter-clockwise motion.  Try on other side.  Is one side harder than the other?

Things My Father Said...

Do you have a good Father Poem?  They are hard to come by and I'd love to have a good poem to share with my class.  If you have a poem, you can enter it on the comment segment below or e-mail it to me and I'll post it.  You can reach me at:  info@jcarrollbooks.com.  Thanks!!

Things My Father Said:

Don't ask me, ask your mother.

Were you raised in a barn?

You didn't beat me.  I let you win.

Don't worry.  It's only blood.

A little dirt never hurt anyone--just wipe it off.

Who said life was supposed to be fair?

The fair's in October.

You call that a haircut?

"Hey" is for horses.

This will hurt me a lot more that it will hurt you.

You call that noise "music"?

No, we're not there yet!

Shake it off.  It's only pain.

As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules.

I'll tell you why.  Because I said so, that's why!

Do what I say, not what I do.

So you think you're smart, do you?

What's so funny?  Wipe that smile off your face.

You want something to do?  I'll give you something to do.

This is your last warning.

I'm not talking to hear my own voice!

In MY day...

If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to cry.

When I was your age I had to walk to school in 10 feet of snow up hill both ways!

You're only young once.

You're gonna like it, whether you like it or not!

Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

What do you think I am, a bank?

What part of NO don't you understand?

You're not leaving this house dressed like that!

Boys are like buses.  Just wait on the corner and another one will come along.

Don't make me stop this car!

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Did you say any of these to your children???

Father's Day

Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Father Say:

1. Can you turn up that music?

2. You got home past your curfew. No problem, it was just a suggestion.

3. Why don't you leave all the lights on. It makes the house look cheerful!

4. Looks like I'm lost. We'll have to stop and ask for directions.

5. No son of mine is going to play football. Let's go sign you up for yoga classes.

6. I saw you leaving the school today. Don't you think you were driving a little slow?

7. Why would you want to get a job? I make enough money for all of us!

8. Here, you take the remote.

9. Sweetheart, you're fourteen now. Don't you think it's time to start dating?

10. Your Mom and I are going away for the weekend. Why don't you throw a party?

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"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is Soap-On-A-Rope!" ~Bill Cosby

"A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be."

"A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be." ~Carol Coats
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Rut Blocker

I have a new toy and I'm not very good with it yet, but I'm having fun!