Women Over 50

Here are some great thoughts from Andy Rooney about:

Women Over 50

by Andy Rooney

"As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all.  Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?'  She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it.  She goes and does something she wants to do and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 50 are dignified.  They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.  Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.  They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age.  You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest...They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one.  You don't ever have to wonder where your stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons.  Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.  For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.  Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?  Here's an update for you:  Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.  Why?  Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!"

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Andy, we appreciate your insight!!

Laugh a Little!

Sandra Slocum, a wonderful instructor in Richmond, VA, shared some of her best jokes with me. Here are a couple of them:

Gossiper at a Loss for Words

Mildred, the neighborhood gossiper, and self-appointed monitor of the town's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.  Several people did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, who had just moved to town, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.  She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING!

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.  He didn't explain, defend, or deny anything.  He said nothing.  Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his old pickup in front of Mildred's house ....walked home....and left it there all night!!!

(Don't you just love Frank!)

Shopping Dilemma

(Use this at your own discretion - YOU know your group!!)

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.  "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."

"Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied, "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.  Which one would you prefer?"

Now befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The saleslady responded, "It's really quite simple.  The Catholic type supports the masses.  The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist type can make mountains out of mole hills."

Thanks, Sandra!!